


Where The Heart Is

by SideOrderOfGay



Series: Supercorptober 2020 [5]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Danvers Family Feels, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Insecurity, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Supercorptober 2020, Supercorptober 2020 - Day 5: Family, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SideOrderOfGay/pseuds/SideOrderOfGay
Summary: That didn’t excuse the way she snapped at Jess when she suggested that Lena take some time off for the holidays.“What for, Jess, to spend some time with my family?” she’d hissed, an apology already on her tongue the second she realizes what she’d said. Jess however stood her ground, unperturbed.“Yes, that actually was what I was thinking of.”For a second, Lena was too stunned even to answer, before she managed to gather herself. “Miss Huang, you surely must be joking.” Her voice was low, carefully controlled.Jess didn’t even flinch.“I’m not talking about your blood relatives, Miss Luthor. Everyone can see that you’re basically a part of the Danvers clan already.”ORIt's a slow process, but Lena learns that she does in fact have a family that cares about her.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Supercorptober 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948081
Comments: 13
Kudos: 394





	Where The Heart Is

Lena knew Jess was worried about her. Granted, she did little else, especially after the whole Eve situation that had Jess coming back from her deserved sabbatical without Lena even doing so much as lifting a finger. She still felt guilty about the palpable sense of relief that had accompanied signing Jess back into her old position – she’d desperately needed someone in her corner she knew she could trust. She would never have presumed to ask her for it, but still, Jess had come, just a little bit of comfort in a world that had spun on its axis so substantially Lena wasn’t sure she’d ever recover her balance. But Jess had come back, and she’d stayed.

And now, with the holidays fast approaching, her fretting over Lena had increased exponentially. For the impartial observer, the signs would be almost imperceptible, but after years of working together Lena was keyed in to all of Jess’ tells. Her worry was clear in the way she’d space out Lena’s meetings a little wider, affording her some breaks she definitely didn’t need, and subtly hinting that it was getting quite late whenever Lena tried to pull another all-nighter at the office. And Lena ought to be thankful, really, to have someone keep an eye on her since Kara and Alex were visiting their mother in Midvale. But the holidays were a difficult time for Lena, they had been back when Lillian would still try to coax her to come visit the LuthorCorp Holiday gala and Lex would write her a single card filled with as much backhanded compliments and disguised mockery as the limited space would allow, and they were even more so now when they’d…stopped. She hated it, and she hated the part of herself that, for whatever misguided reason, missed it. Truth be told, Lena was tense, a swirling vortex of negative emotions barely held down by a cocktail of whisky, antidepressants and ibuprofen. All of that didn’t excuse the way she snapped at Jess when she suggested that Lena take some time off for the holidays.

“What for, Jess, to spend some time with my family?” she’d hissed, an apology already on her tongue the second she realizes what she’d said. Jess however stood her ground, unperturbed.

“Yes, that actually was what I was thinking of.”

For a second, Lena was too stunned even to answer, before she managed to gather herself. “Miss Huang, you _surely_ must be joking.” Her voice was low, carefully controlled.

Jess didn’t even flinch.

“I’m not talking about your blood relatives, Miss Luthor. Everyone can see that you’re basically a part of the Danvers clan already.”

Lena had already opened her mouth to refute whatever claim left her assistant’s mouth, but now found herself lost for words. She closed it again. Never once in her life had she found herself so utterly disarmed, because, as much as the ugly part of her, the one that spoke to her in the voices of Lillian and Lex, tried to convince her of the opposite the truth still remained: Jess was right.

The first time she’d ever felt that way was a good year ago, and it came as a surprise so shocking and abrupt it felt like she’d missed a step when walking down the stairs, and it went something like this:

  
  


Lena found herself chanting “please don’t pick up, please don’t pick up” under her breath. She’d lie about this detail if anyone would later ask her about it, since she’d never been one to avoid conflict; a necessary trait in her line of work. And yet, she couldn’t help but silently hope against hope that Kara, who usually picked up the phone in a matter of seconds when she was calling, presumably dropping anything and everything she was currently doing (and sprinting to the phone, considering how out of breath she sometimes sounded) just to answer her on time, would make an exception to this rule just this once.

She really didn’t want to disappoint her by cancelling on game night.

She couldn’t bear to make her sad.

And she really, really wasn’t in the right headspace to get into the _why_.

“You’re speaking with Kara Danvers, hi!”

God, there she went again, answering her mobile phone with both her first and last name like the _dork_ she was and now she had to sit down due to a bout of dizziness that was definitely not caused by the amounts of whiskey she'd consumed beforehand.

"Hey, Kara."

Her voice sounded hoarse from crying. The anniversary of the Luthor’s taking her in had always been rough on her, and yet she’d never come unravelled like this. It was as if the sudden and unplanned arrival of Kara Danvers in her life had wrenched something free inside of her, some blockade she’d built when she was young, and now she couldn’t help but cry over things she’d long since ought to move past. Then again, she also never entertained childish crushes like this. It seemed as if Kara Danvers had been engineered for the sole purpose of throwing Lena off her game.

“Lena! I was just talking to Alex about ordering from that new Ethiopian place you recommended for game night! What’s the point in having a cultured friend if I don’t get to show off their amazing palate, am I right?”

“Yes, Kara, about that”, Lena interjected before her friend could get herself too amped up. Before she could do something immensely stupid, such as let Kara talk her into coming to game night anyway, dragging everyone down with her and ruining everything.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can make it to game night after all. Busy life of a CEO and all that.”

Funny, how lies that used to pass her lips effortlessly now felt like they were suffocating her, leaving behind a foul taste in her mouth. _It’s because you are an awful friend. It’s because Kara deserves better._

“Oh.”

The disappointment in Kara’s voice was palpable, and Lena hated herself for being the cause.

“But there’ll be a bunch of other game nights, and I’m sure the others appreciate the chance when the Danvers-Luthor dream team can no longer dominate them!”

Lena let out a choked sound, a pathetic excuse for a laugh.

“Lena, are you okay? Because it sounds like you’re crying – are you crying? Did something happen?”

Lena dug her nails into her forearm, leaving angry red crescent shapes in the flesh. _Selfish, so selfish, making_ _Kara worry on a day that was supposed to be reserved for her friends._

“Don’t worry about me”, she said, not being able to bear the enormous lie that would be an _I’m fine_. “It’s just…”, she floundered, trying to find a way to put her feelings into words that wouldn’t make them seem as laughable as they were to Kara.

“It’s stupid”, she sighed, but Kara intercepted before she had even reached the end of her sigh.

“It’s not! If it makes you upset, it’s never stupid. Your feelings are valid, Lena.”

“But it all happened decades ago! I should be over it by now!”

“Oh, Lena…”

She used _that_ tone. Lena hated _that_ tone. She hated that Kara always used just before pointing out that something about Lena’s upbringing, or something about the strategies she’d developed to cope, was inherently wrong. It was so much easier to pretend like it was justified, that some inherent quality she had or lacked had was the root cause of all she experienced. But there went Kara, taking a sledgehammer to all the things she’d considered immutable truth before. There went Kara, telling her that _what they did wasn’t fair_ and _what happened to you was not your fault_ and _there are things whiskey and tiny boxes can’t fix_.

It was painful, it made her feel wretched, and she couldn’t take it, not today.

“I told you not to worry about me, I’ll be fine tomorrow”, she insisted.

“But I do worry about you”, Kara replied, “constantly. Because you’re my best friend, and I love you, and when I told you I’d always protect you I meant it. So please answer me honestly, and don’t listen to the voice in your head that tells you you’re selfish, cause it’s a liar: Do you need me to come over?”

Kara hadn’t even finished her sentence and Lena was already crying. She was a pathetic, slobbering mess, not worthy of the Luthor name, but she hoped desperately that somehow, she could be worthy of Kara. (It was clear as day she wasn’t.)

She tried to do the selfless thing, tried to tell Kara to just enjoy the evening with her loved ones, and that they could schedule dinner the next day if she really insisted. But Kara, beautiful, stubborn Kara, was having none of it.

“Lena, I won’t just abandon you when you’re obviously not in a good place. You’re family! And family means nobody gets left behind.”

“You’re a plagiarist, we watched Lilo and Stitch just two weeks ago”, Lena chuckled wetly.

“Don’t distract from the question!”

“I…”, she gathered her courage. She needed this, she needed Kara. “Can you come over?”, she asked, her voice the smallest it had ever been.

“Of course”, Kara said, her voice warm as the sun.

And Lena still cried, so much, but it was okay, because she got to cry in Kara’s arms and listen to Kara tell her that it’s okay to cry, that she wasn’t pathetic, that she’d feel better after a good long sob session, and maybe, just maybe, Lena was inclined to believe her.

  
  


Realizing that Alex saw her as family too was more of a gradual process, like leaning back in your chair too far and only realizing your mistake after it’s far too late.

They hadn’t started out on the best of terms. Alex had never be openly hostile to her face, which wasn’t something she could easily say about many people in her life. Still, the distrust with which she’d viewed Lena had been palpable, so much so that Kara saw it necessary to take her aside and told her in no uncertain terms that she had to respect the choice in friends she made. It was the first time anyone had ever defended Lena so ardently, and as much as she wished she could have seen it as the moment of vindication she deserved, in the moment she had overhead their fight Lena had just felt so guilty for driving a wedge between the two sisters she’d had to call her driver to take her home immediately.

Kara, bless her, had apologised profusely on behalf of her sister the next day no matter how much Lena tried to convince her that it was no big deal, really, Kara didn’t have to.

Because here was the truth: Lena understood. Truly, she did. If she had a sister, she wouldn’t have wanted her to keep pace with the likes of herself as well. But she was selfish, utterly selfish, and she didn’t have the power of will to protect Kara from herself.

Of course, now she knew this had been a rather reductive and self-centred view of the world. Because Kara was Supergirl, had always been Supergirl, and wasn’t some shrinking violet to be protected.

And the fallout had been grim. Weeks of silence punctuated by shouting matches with her former best friend, and it was so, so painful because she’d still loved her so, so much.

And after the dust had settled, even after Kara had forgiven her, she certainly hadn’t expected Alex to forgive her as well. The agent was fiercely protective of her little sister after all, and was known to carry grudges.

She’d been prepared for many things when she showed up at game night for the first time after _everything_ had happened, she’d expected Alex to throw her out, yell at her to leave and never talk to her sister again, or just up and go herself. What she didn’t expect was Alex fixing her with a long look, before putting a hand on her shoulder with the words “It’s good to have you back. Kara was so busy being mopey we didn’t win a single game while you were gone.”

At that moment, Kara’s joyous call of her name rang through the air, and she looked so excited just because Lena had decided to join them again, both Lena and Alex couldn’t help but smile. They both loved Kara, and Kara loved both of them, and maybe they’d become something like accomplices.

Then, Alex had invited her to National City pride with her since Kara was making an appearance as Supergirl and seeing her arrive with the both of them would have been to conspicuous, and Lena had wondered if maybe she’d misjudged. Maybe they’d somehow, miraculously become friends.

And now, well, now she’d been dating Kara for two heavenly weeks and she was still working up the courage to tell Alex – liquid courage, as it were, because she was already on the second whiskey on rocks in the bar they’d chosen as their venue for breaking the news to Alex. They were both comfortable here, more comfortable than was healthy, probably, and if it went pear shaped she was already in the right place to drown her sorrows. Kara had left for a moment to say hello to a patron she recognized, a former employee at CatCo back when Cat Grant had still been around, and the cruel fates aligned that Alex chose that exact second to slide onto the barstool next to her.

“Hi, little Luthor”, she said, while motioning the to the barkeeper for her drink.

“Hey Alex. Kara literally just went to meet an old colleague-”

“Yeah, I saw her.”

Lena downed her glass in order to fill the awkward silence that arose, a mistake she bitterly regretted as the next words out of Alex’ mouth were: “So you and Kara, huh?”. She sputtered so hard some of the whiskey came up through her nose, the burning sensation forcing tears to her eyes.

“How did you know?” she coughed.

Alex gave her a somewhat pained smile. “Found your panties in the crease of her couch – satin, looked more expensive than anything she could afford – so I kind of put two and two together.”

Lena could feel the blood rush to her cheeks and prayed that Alex couldn’t see it as she kept her eyes to the floor, as if it might take pity and swallow her up if she just stared hard enough.

“I am so, _so_ sorry that you had to find out this way”, Lena began, but Alex just waved her off.

“Eh, it could have been worse. I’m just glad I didn’t walk in on you.”

Lena kept her mouth shut, preferring not to let Alex know about how close she’d come that one time during a risqué tryst in the DEO.

“So I suppose this is the part where you give me the shovel talk? Tell me that you’ll have me executed for treason if I ever hurt her?” she asked.

Alex regarded her with an unreadable look as she finished her drink in one swig, grimaced, and shook her head.

“No. I don’t think I need to. Just – ugh, I’m bad at this. Listen, I know the concept is antiquated and means nothing, but you make Kara very happy – like, accidentally-starting-to-float-while-telling-me-about-your-first-kiss happy – and for what it’s worth, you have my blessing.”

Lena didn’t tell her that she disagreed, it meant _everything_ , but she held her tongue for now as it was too early to start crying. It definitely would happen over the course of the night, she’d always been a weepy drunk, but there was no need to purposefully induce a sobbing breakdown.

“Lena! Lena, I forgot! It’s karaoke night!” Kara’s voice pierced the constant hum of chatter and ambient music.

“Oh no, I don’t dance”, Lena immediately objected. But, embarrassingly, Alex had slid off her barstool and taken her into a headlock before she could even begin to put up a fight.

“Yes you do”, she grinned, looking entirely too happy with herself. “You’re one of us now, and karaoke night is a mandatory experience for every Danvers.”

Lena didn’t even protest too much as she was dragged away, and she definitely had to apologize personally to Celine Dione after the way she bastardised My Heart Will Go On, cry-singing and occasionally hiccuping.

  
  


“Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up”, Lena muttered into her phone. It was a long shot, With Kara probably already being surrounded by family in Midvale, eating the contents of Eliza’s pantry in one day. She’d almost resigned herself to failure when she heard Kara’s voice from the other end of the line, and it still made her heart skip a beat like the first time Kara had called her _baby_.

“You’re speaking with Kara Danvers, hi!”

“Never change, darling.”

“Lena, hi! It’s so good to hear your voice, baby, I know you’re busy but I miss you so much!”

Lena could _hear_ her girlfriend pout.

“Actually, Kara...I was wondering if I might join you over the holidays – not right now, of course! I’m sure you’ve already made plans, and you deserve some time with your family alone, but maybe we could -”

“Lena, oh Rao, hang on a second, I’m putting you on speaker”, Kara gushed, sounding uncontainably excited about something.

“Alex – hey Alex!”, Kara shouted, and Lena had to hold the phone a good 10 inches away from her ear.

“Whoops, sorry baby. Alex, guess who it is!”

“Lena? You’re kidding me, right, you have to be!”, Alex replied, and the remark stung a bit. Confusion swirled in Lena’s head and her anxiety climbed higher.

“You betcha! I hope you have eight dollars to pay Eliza because I forgot my wallet at home!”

“You bet on me?” Lena asked, unsure whether she wanted to know the answer.

“Yeah, we did – it’s nothing bad, I promise. Eliza was just so sure you’d come, she made you a sweater and everything, and I told that the holidays are a difficult time for you and you usually prefer to spend them alone, but she was _so_ sure you’d come, and I – well, I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

“Mom is going to be so smug”, Alex groaned from somewhere farther away.

Lena’s chest seemed to fill with something warm and lighter than air at the thought of her attendance at the holidays was something to _hope_ for.

“She made me a sweater?” Lena asked, not in the least bit surprised at how choked up she’d become, and too happy to care.

“You betcha! It’s really ugly, you’re going to love it.”

As she put the photo of Kara and her, both clad in the most garish sweaters known to mankind, Lena laughing with abandon because she thought Kara’d gone in for a cheek kiss in the photo, but instead had blown a wet raspberry on her skin, up on the Midvale mantelpiece she mused that being welcomed into the Danvers family by Eliza felt much like returning to a home she’d never known existed.

**Author's Note:**

> writing a holiday fic in october because there is no time, there's only clocks.
> 
> also i'm sorry if this is barely coherent i lost 89% of this in a computer crash and had to quickly churn it out late at night on the very day it was supposed to be posted.


End file.
